Short story-Stolen:
It was a warm day in June. The sun was shining down with its rays as the clock struck noon; it was only midday. Thomas Bottleson of 79 June street entered through the reinforced doors of Harbourne state clinging to a white poster. It held no particular importance but had been tacked to the wall of Russel Square tube station. Without a remote interest or a suffice reason, he had taken it just like the other 259 grim-faced, self-important passengers would have done on their daily route. But this piece of paper was specifically suggested to be brought in for further examination. The writing itself was different, although the picture that was depicted onto it had caught the attention of their group and by doing this, he had mingled in with the crowd and captured the object of their fervour. He would, although, much to the disappointment of military intelligence, have already disappeared. The mode of transport he had chosen was a taxi and this had a fake licence plate. By the time they would survey the camera footage and search for any trace of fingerprints, he would be in St Pancras, long gone and part of the crowd pouring out onto the streets. They would be looking for a man in an inexpensive yet effective blue suit; this would be discarded and ultimately replaced by whatever taste he preferred. This all had been scheduled, the timings and his fingerprints, to be precise, were early on erased from the police database. James Herbert, the wanted man, would be arrested, just a token to remember them by and a thanks for his appreciation and commitment.
May 6, 2016 at 6:53 am
Excellent start here Roshid. You’ve built suspense effectively by leaving the reader guessing about your character’s motives. You’ve also started to build up the setting well.
Targets:
1) Check over your sentence structure and the use of subordinate clauses. Be careful about using them too often as they can garble your meaning sometimes.
2) Continue to develop the development of your setting through effective description. Try to use a range of techniques to create an image for the reader.
May 6, 2016 at 5:22 pm
I will take this into consideration to create an effective opening and story. I will also choose the best vocabulary in order to not ”garble my meaning.”